Run in Remembrance

For those of you who might not know, I completed my undergraduate career at Virginia Tech. I earned a Bachelor of Arts in English and graduated in May of 2010. I have since pretty much lost focus of what I am seeking in terms of life goals and things of that nature.

Right now, I am currently in a "floater" state (basically, I work part-time at LUSH, part-time for a local newspaper, and full-time enjoying family, friends, and things I never could when my life was so unbelievably structured). For the very first time, I really have no idea what I will do with the rest of my life, and I have to say that it is quite liberating.

However, it is also revealing. You learn what you really care about. You learn what you value.

On April 16, 2007, I lost my best friend to the shootings on our campus. Her name was Erin Peterson, and she was no doubt, one of the best things that ever happened to my life. I have yet to meet anyone as kind, as giving, and as beautiful as she was not only to me, but to everyone she touched. Her funeral and memorials were overflowing with people who had known her for years or for weeks before she died, who could speak to how great of a person she was.

She was indeed a great person. And more than four years later, I still miss her so much. I wish I could talk to her. I would give anything to hug her again. I would give anything to be a fraction of the person she was to others.

I don't have a lot of goals right now, but I do have one: and that is to run in the 3.2-mile remembrance run in April of 2012, which is also the 5-year mark of her passing.

I haven't been on campus on April 16th since the day of the shooting. I've been too scared to face it. I don't want to remember what happened. I don't want to remember anything about the day.

But I do remember Erin, and I know that will never go away.

If nothing else, I want to be there to visit her on-campus memorial once again. I've only gone once. And I want to go again.

And I will.

If I accomplish nothing else in the next couple of years, I am determined to do this.

I have about 9 months to get ready for the run. I know that 3.2 miles (a little over 5K) would not be a struggle for some, but I know it will be for me.

I want to run because I want to be free. I don't want to spend every April 16th crying over losing her, or feeling horrible for things I never got to say or do anymore. 

I want to celebrate her. I want her to know that I am running towards something great. I want to know what it feels like to fly, like I know she does over me.

Something in me made me think of this today. I don't know where it came from or even why I was thinking of it, but I don't think I want anything more than to be able to do this for her.

I am following the Couch-to-5K plan, except I will do so by changing the weekly plan to a monthly goal. By the end of month 1, I want to be able to accomplish the weekly work-out without having to stop and rest or without getting winded or being in pain, as if it is second nature. I will go about this by doing my best towards completing the three work-outs every week for the month. 

There haven't been many things to which I have been able to commit, especially exercise-wise, but this is something I really want - I think maybe even something I really need.

I'll have updates as I go along. I'm starting this week - probably on Tuesday.

I know she knows how hard this will be, and I just hope she will be proud.

Erin and I - November 2006